A Chill in the Air.

[[[Hello kitty cats, I’m here. I have a lot of stuff to post but I want to edit it down. Some of it is just too raw, and I’m still uneasy about sharing. So look in the coming weeks for juicy, well-thought information.]]]

Anyway, I have decided to embark on a mini-cleanse. A 3 day fast, which means I’m only allowing myself Dentyne Ice gum, and water. I’m not doing so terribly in terms of desire to consume massive quantities of delicious processed food. I suspect that desire will be aroused within me by tomorrow afternoon, where I will become severely cranky, pout for a few hours, eventually crying myself into a nap. [Yes, I revert to a 3-year-old when cranky]. I will awake refreshed, yet still desperate, and have prepared a to-do list for such an emergency situation. Call me after 1 tomorrow afternoon, I’ll need the distraction.

I have been consuming 8 oz. of water every hour within the hour. I figure that this will help rid my body of toxins quicker, while also keeping me hydrated. However, it is doing nothing to stop the feeling of heaviness in my head as I secretly want to slump onto my desk and take a nap. Isn’t a lot of water supposed to make you feel energized?

I chose to reorganize iTunes rather than sleep last night. It is days like this that I miss sitting on the hour bus ride into Manhattan and being able to close my eyes and turn my iPod to its loudest setting. I would wake up at the Bowling Green subway station and jump up, wipe the drool from my face, flatten my dress so my hiney isn’t hanging out, grab my belongings, try not to hit anyone in the head, and fly off the deep stairway of the X12 bus. I miss being able to take the back elevator up to the 11th floor and hiding in an examination room for an impromptu nap, lying on the table, secretly fearing that a patient would bust in on me.

To make matters of sleepiness worse, it’s really freaking cold in here – and I’m NEVER cold. I am always the girl in a group of catty bitches that is exclaiming, “I’m sweating!,” as they reach for a blanket or a sweatshirt. Like, my nipples could seriously do some damage if they were to touch a surface bare. No joke. Every hair on my body is on its end; my skin is too cold for it to lie comfortably against. The consumption of cold water isn’t helping but I think my priority should be staying awake and not devouring every last stale pretzel in the office kitchen, eh?

First

So I was going to start this blog with background information, items linking my past blogs to this blog but honestly, it's unnecessary. It's unnecessary because all of my old writings lacked purpose and people want juice. They want the grit of it all, they want to hear about my life while contemplating their own. Learn by example, eh?

I realize now that my blog life cannot be separate from my real life, and if people I know in real life are going to read my blog then they can read it! And if I write something about them, then so be it! I am ready to deal with the consequences. (I realize now that the things that seemed so personal to me, that I didn't want to share, is because then I would be exposed and have to explain myself, and/or lose the relationships I was trying so hard to maintain).

Ok, so I'm gonna start.

Recently, I met someone who I consider important. A boy. The time spent with this person sometimes goes on for days, to the point where I think how flawlessly, seamless our relationship is - how one day floats happily into another. I think that if I didn't have someone to report to this summer (namely mama and papa), I wouldn't want to come home.

I haven't sacrificed my friends or my actual life. And I think that is part of the problem. I am living in a number of separate dimensions of pieces that make up my life: Life with the Boy, Life in Staten Island, Life at School, Life in the City. I feel poorly that it all doesn't blend, yet I fear that blending them all will create a mixture so distasteful.