Yesterday was February18th. It was a birthday of someone I know. It was the birthday of a girl who has made many bad choices, not unlike myself. A girl who stood by her boyfriend after he spit in her face at a sorority party in college, a girl who knowingly chose to begin a relationship with a married man with a pregnant wife, a girl who believes that a divorce can happen within one week, that a man who left his wife and newborn son is good and true, a girl that never listens to me when I speak. Or if she is listening, isn't hearing what I'm saying.
Her birthday was yesterday. I'm sure that she had a lovely day, and went out with her parents, and I'm sure her boyfriend was there and presents were exchanged. And today she is feeling strong, she is feeling accepted and wrapped in the warm embrace of love. Today she truly believes that her imagined family with this man will come to fruition. And today she is not thinking about the family that he abandoned; the wife that he left in the dust, the baby who never had a chance to know that his parents loved each other.
Uh. I just feel that there is something so necessary in seeing an intimate relationship from birth. Babies feel stress from parents. Toddlers act out the stress they feel. Children internalize and externalize symptoms from this lack of perception in love. I feel worse for this poor boy, who will forever be told that his father is an asshole, and that girl who pays his bills is a slut.
Which makes me feel defensive and want to protect my dear from such harsh insults about her character. I have done all that I can to talk to her, to make her see that a man that lies once, will lie again, and again, and again. And he will lie about the bad things, the embarrassing things, and yes, even the good things. He will feed you lies of happiness awaiting you both in the future, of babies and houses and puppies and all things fresh.
So today she is feeling strong with these images of gumdrops in her head, surrounded in the warmth...
I chose not to harass her on her birthday. I let her be. And I will let her be until she is ready. Tragic innocence is no longer acceptable at 25.
(Sidenote: Some will say, "Oh, but if it wasn't her, it would be someone else." Yes this I believe to be true. If a man is unfaithful, it is a flaw in his character that will be present until he resolves it himself. So yes, if a man wants to cheat, he will cheat. But why, why oh why oh why! would you want to be "that girl" that has to deal with all of this nonsense. You don't fight for a man at 25, you fight for a man at 35 and by 45 you don't give a shit to fight. But at 25 there are so many options. Hell, I'd even take up the challenge to pick up a man at a pediatrician's office - because it would happen. At 25.
This is a question I have posed to another of my friends, "why suffer in this terminal relationship, when you can have a nice, intelligent, cute, fun boy who has time for you?" (and no kids). Why!? It doesn't make sense to me. And it especially hurts to think that in 10 years, when I'm probably saddled with a husband and a little replica of myself, I'll look back and think about these 25-year-old whores, and want to hold them underwater for several minutes. And then I'll realize that what happened with my friends some years ago, could happen to me now, only I'll be on the other side.
In the present, these whores are my friends, and they aren't whores, they're women who are making badddd choices for their self-esteem, their pride, their respect (all around), and exposing themselves to STD's and the possiblity of getting the crap beaten outta them.
And I applaud any wife/soon-to-be-ex-wife/baby momma who gives these 25 year olds a piece of their mind. Or their fist. Or their silence. Say nothing, she will see. Give it time. History repeats itself.
