I haven't been around in awhile. I've been here and there, and up and down, and everywhere. Let's see...there was St. Patrick's Day on Staten Island, then Atlantic City for B's birthday, then real St. Patrick's Day and now it's almost April and I've been writing lovely messages to myself in my planner; items like, "You only have 12 days until this massive, weighty paper is due. Stop treating yourself like an asshole!" Nothing like a little self-induced motivation.

April is always a time of joy, as the March confusion dissipates and things are decided. I'm a worrier. I worry about everything. I can't help it, it's genetic. Ultimately, I know that everything gets decided, and time is the biggest calmer of anxiety. So April. Joy.

Let us not forget that April is also the beginning of the end of the spring semester of school. This is a time of things being due - papers, presentations, projects and exams! And my spring joy is going to be zapped by all of this rubbish to-do work. I'm trying to prevent that by planning ahead; allocating time for idea-conspiring-come-together-ness.

You see, I'm not one of those people that can look shit up, read it, and then write a paper. I have to search down all avenues of thought. This usually takes 4 or 5, 3 hour blocks of time where I just think. Maybe I write a little.

I'll finally be inspired by something and write a few pages of nonsensical thought patterns. Then I'll scrap that entire idea (usually the night before), because it doesn't really relate to what the professor wants (more about this later) and so I'll be forced to write an entirely new paper on an entirely new premise, with entirely new sources. I'm usually too tired to read and check over the paper by the time I'm finished so I throw up my hands, cry a little, and crawl into bed. Aggravating? Frustrating? Yes and yes, but it's how I work.

I'm trying to eliminate that by working with myself; realizing what I need to do, and how my forced paper process works.

So, I'll update you on how April moves along. Only 5 more days left in March.