Monday night I had the first Sho-related outburst. It really hit me...I mean it felt different at first, not like any of the others, but I realized Monday night at 7:05 p.m. that
this
was
a
break-up.
I had just screamed, "You're fucking unbelievable" before slamming the phone shut. It's madness that I feel this way because I didn't anticipate that shitty break-up feeling. I thought it would feel warm and fuzzy, knowing that our relationship was so good, so fun, so easy, and the cosmos just didn't want us together at this time. And I imagined that we would hug and embrace, and we would smile with tears in our eyes, and Sho would say that it was his allergies, and I would laugh and a tear would drip down my cheek... And... I should start writing movies.
But anyway, that isn't what is happening. Instead, I'm cursing and crying and acting like the fire woman that I am, and Sho is left confused and frustrated, with no way to remedy the cause of my effect.
So after I slammed the phone shut angrily, I did what I usually do: flung it as hard as I could while making a banshee noise. Then pace the halls sobbing like a lost child in a mall, try to eat, weep over the open refrigerator, finally decide on just a water bottle, and head to my bed to cuddle and cry.
Ironically, when I was a toddler, and I was upset and crying, I was given a bottle, and laid down with a blanket. I always fell asleep.
Well, folks, it's 22 years later, and this phenomena became quite clear to me. Now I understand the urge to lay in bed with a liquid, consume half of it, and pass out.
Awakening from my 3 hour nap, I turned my phone back on, set my alarm for work tomorrow, and fell right back asleep. Sleep cures all ills, no?
